so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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