I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
