the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
