At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
