mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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