Are we in a gay sports bar?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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