i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
