he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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