hotel room ftw
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
