Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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