Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
