i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
