I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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