her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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