Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
