either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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