I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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