yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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