oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
