Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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