Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
