dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
