I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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