In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
