He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize