ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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