My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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