Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
