my mouth tastes like poor choices
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
