Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
