She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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