Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Damn victory sex feels great
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