Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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