Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
