I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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