my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
