he puts the penis in happiness.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
