My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
