I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
