When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
