that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
