I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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