what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
