In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
