This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize