I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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