I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
