We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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