um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
