if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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