apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i will never coherently bang her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
