Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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