I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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