I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I died a long time ago.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
