this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
