Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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