Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize