if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize