I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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