she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
