This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
