never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
