i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
