She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
