So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So squirting runs in the family.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
