Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
