she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just google imaged poop.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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