Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
