Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
