I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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