I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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