An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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