respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
