who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize