I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i will never coherently bang her
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
All the doctor said was why
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
