I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
