you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
