My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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