Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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