you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
