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I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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