tell your sister to shave her snatch
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
