Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
