goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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