watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
