I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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