he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
