OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
