can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
