Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
they need to just BURY HIM!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
